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I don’t know if I can do this….

Today’s the day we take my son Matt to UVM to drop him off for his first year at college! Yowser(?) The days leading up to this have been a ton of teenage angst and difficulty and I wondered if God makes teenagers so it’s easier to say good- by for awhile…But inside those arguments are a young boy that I don’t want to lose …see I’m losing it….may have to give up on this post……My boy, my first born is leaving the nest, that lump
that keeps closing in my throat. I love him so much and the man he has become, kind considerate and extremely loyal to family and friends…..(as I write father and son are at odds packing him up) but no matter what at the end of the day with lots of sweat and tears we are very much a family! The kind I always wanted. The kind that loves unconditionally………so why this book of all his childhood favorites because I will always remember the nights together cuddled up on the sofa before bedtime and how we would read 2-3 books a night and end with “Goodnight Moon”……that is until he learned to speak his first words…..”no moon”!!!!!…because for Matthew it meant the end of the day and bedtime!!! A boy who always wants more!!! No doubt in my mind he will achieve greatness not because he’s smart but because he’s honest and loving and will always do the next right thing ….I adore you Master Matt whether you ever find this or not …my heart is right next to yours…listen for it…MaMa48837198

44 Responses to “I don’t know if I can do this….”

  1. Jennifer says:

    My oldest is a senior this year and I am dreading this very day next fall.
    Huge Hugs!

  2. Awwwhhh, poor Mom. What a lovely post.

  3. lucinda says:

    I can’t even read the whole post. I’ll I had to see was the title and Goodnight Moon.
    I have a senior this year.
    I tear up now what kind of condition will I be in next year!

  4. jen jen says:

    I feel for you so much. My oldest is also a boy (he’s 14) and there’s something about the bond a son has with his mom. I am already dreading sending him off on his own. Sending you lots of virtual hugs right now!

  5. kathie says:

    luckily that is pretty close for you to go visit for a weekend or a day!
    Great school!

  6. Oh big hugs to you as your baby goes off to college! How hard it must be to let go. I still have a few more years before that happens, but I know it will be here before you know it! Goodnight Moon is one of our favorites too!

  7. elizabeth says:

    Awww…such a sweet post! Our copy of Goodnight Moon is in pretty sad shape.
    Only my oldest is out of the house and while I miss him, it’s extra special when he comes home for a visit.
    You know, to EAT, do laundry…EAT…

  8. Anne says:

    Big hug to you Jennifer. I was in your shoes this time last year when we took our Matthew to college three hours away. I nearly bit my lip in two while I was unpacking his things in his dorm room. When Matthew was born, my late mother bought him a special blanket that he has loved each and every day of his life even though the treasured gift has become quite threadbare over the years. I can’t tell you how much my emotions were stirred while I was making Matthew’s bed that day (as he and Dad set up a computer) when I noticed that Matthew’s pillow case had an odd bulge. I reached into the pillow case and felt around to see what he’d secretly stashed away. I knew at once that even though this young man was about to spend months of his life away from his family, he couldn’t bear to part with his special blanket (which I think he feels embodies the love of a precious grandmother lost a decade ago). Today my husband took Matthew back to college for his sophomore year. Today was much easier, even though I certainly enjoyed having Matthew home over the summer break, so I’ll miss him terribly. I was not able to make the trip with Matthew as he returns to college today because our dog is a bit sick, but I sent Matthew off with a hug that’ll surely last until he returns for a quick visit home in a few weeks. I know this day and the coming week will be difficult for you and your family. I wish you and your family all the best.

  9. Karla says:

    Such a sweet post! You’ll both be fine. I’m sure he will love school and you will love that he loves it! I work at a university and have been watching the freshman parents this week – they have a sadness to them but such a hope as well. Their kids are all doing great – just came from a big bbq they were all at to welcome them – they all start to fit in and make friends right away. I’m sure Matt will be the same!
    Karla

  10. Debbie L says:

    I’m tearing up and my babies are only in 3rd grade and 1st!!!

  11. Wonderful post…it really touched me. My son is only 4, and I’m already starting to dread the day he moves out. He already hates when I give him kisses. he’s too big to carry. The days go by too quickly.

  12. Sounds like we are the same boat. It’s such a weird cycle, isn’t it? I feel for you my friend.

  13. teresa says:

    Oh jenn….how tough!!! I’ve been sad all summer just thinking about Allie leaving us–she’s a senior this year and I know it will fly by so quickly. I hope the day went well and know that you have done a fabulous job raising that boy!
    xoxo

  14. kathy says:

    Thanks a lot Jennifer! I’m a hormonal MONSTER with a daughter entering her senior year of HS…I’ve already been crying. Cover a stretcher in some great fabric so I can collapse on it next year at this time.
    Pass the tissues please. Actually, go sew up some great tissue holders for all the mom’s bringing their kids to college. (I’ve actually been meaning to do this for a friend.)
    Hang in there! I’m thinking of you~

  15. Linda says:

    Oh, I can so empathize with you. Driving away from college that first time—-I could hardly see through the tears!!

  16. ohhhh! I got chills reading this post. My children are little – three girls under the age of 6. I get tired of reading goodnight moon and sometimes try to encourage reading something – anything – else. I am going to think twice about that!
    Hugs to you!
    Missy

  17. Kathleen G. says:

    Tears! Tears! You got me crying! My son is only 2. We always joke that he’s only got 16 years left at home, but I know I’ll be feeling the same way you are.
    Kathleen

  18. Tammy says:

    Awww, you brought tears to my eyes. My oldest is going through the same thing. She is starting college this year and I know exactly how you feel. I thought this was an interesting post to read to night since I just posted about how my one and only boy is growing up so fast. I don’t want to see his days go by so fast. (He is 2 1/2) Watching his sisters grow up in the blink of an eye has made his young years that much more precious.

  19. Jennifer P. says:

    I’ve still got 8 more years, and I can’t even stand to think about it! I’m certain you’ve done your job well and he will go on to make you proud! (and I’m sure like me–you could recite the entire Good Night Moon book by heart :)!)

  20. Oh Jennifer, your post just hit me in the lump-in-my-throat-spot. Take heart though. He’ll be back. With friends :)
    Put him in God’s hands. All will be well. All will be well. Cat ^..^

  21. Patrice says:

    solidarity, sista! I too feel your pain. Just brought our third child back to school for her second year and it doesn’t get any easier. . . . . much love to you & yours, Jennifer. . . . . . . you’ve raised a wonderful child and he’s no doubt, ready to go make his mark on the world. . . .ENJOY!!! xoxoxoxo P

  22. Melissa says:

    I know this feeling only to well – I have 2 boys in college. That first time was SO hard. Best to you!
    Melissa

  23. Simone says:

    Big hugs to you, Jennifer. My girls are 5 and 7 and on certain days I think they’re ready to go off to college now!
    Sounds like you have done a wonderful job with Master Matt. All of those wonderful things he is, he is because of his loving family that you have created and nurtured. He is ready, you have prepared him!
    xoxo Simone

  24. Lisa Q says:

    We just left our oldest two days ago and she is not doing well. She is so close to her siblings and us. She about 3 1/2 hrs. away, so not too far, but not so close so as to run home.
    My heart goes out to you. It is so tough. I just want to tell her to come home, but I can’t. She has to do this.
    Lisa Q

  25. Maija Lepore says:

    OK, I’m crying!
    I’ll be doing the same thing next year!!!

  26. My daughter is only six, but this makes me feel all teary eyed. The milestones of motherhood…! I wish you the best in adjusting to these new changes in life.
    ~ Jennifer

  27. kasey says:

    o.k. Jennifer, great post!
    I anxiously await this year as my middle child starts 1st grade (all day) finally.
    little guy still has 2 years till kindergarten, but what’s worse is that our kindergarten is only 2.5 hours! ouch!
    Love catching up on your blog!!
    k-

  28. Meleen Dupre says:

    jennifer,
    we brought christopher to school on friday too……….i was thinking about the scarecrow, when he tells dorothy, i know i have a heart because it’s breaking………
    hugs,
    meleen

  29. jerusalem says:

    I have 2 little boys – ages 4 & 8, and I know one day they will grow and leave and I cannot imagine it. Won’t they always be just as they are? I love being their momma and I hope that even after they have homes of their own, with sweet little families, they will still want to come around and visit, because no matter how big they get I know to me, they will always be my sweet little men.

  30. Alison Gibbs says:

    Oh Jenn…. how you will miss him. It is so hard when they leave the nest.
    Alison

  31. My day is coming in a couple of weeks. September 12th, I take my son to Seattle for his first year of college. So much stress and worry. Coupled with excitement for him and his future. I know how you are feeling but our boys are going to do great.

  32. Carolyn says:

    Oh gosh, I got a lump in my throat reading this! Hugs to you. What a special man Matt sounds like. Take care of yourself in this transition. :)

  33. OH, Jennifer. Hugs to you. I cannot offer anything more. I’ve been in your shoes. I know that feeling. It gets better. I just helped my Jessica move stuff into an apartment for her senior (4th) year at college. This time is was she who shed tears…knowing she is has moved farther and farther from childhood. It was sad but sweet. *Heidi*

  34. I just sent my oldest on the bus today for his first day of school, and he moves upstairs this year for 3rd grade, I cannot imagine him in college!!! Oh how weird that would be since he always claims he will never leave home, but I think by then he will. Oh my heart goes out to you Jennifer its sad but exciting all at the same time.

  35. Jen says:

    Bless your heart. I have a sophmore so my time is coming. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Tears for the time that passes so quickly no matter how we try to hang on. We love them with all of our hearts and when they go they take part of us with them, don’t they?

  36. Jennifer says:

    Omigosh Jennifer! This post makes me want to cry! Oh sweetie one day I will be in your shoes!! My little man just started school TODAY! It’s amazing how they grow up from our small little boys that we read bedtime stories to and wrap and tuck them up in their favorite blanket and stuffed animales at nighttime to the young man that is learning to become independent and find his own way in life. My heart sympathizes WITH YOU!!! Even tho they he is a young man now they will always be our little boys in our hearts. BIG HUGS!!! XOXO

  37. CJJ says:

    Sitting here with tears in my eyes. We take my daughter to college in 4 weeks. My son who is a junior in high school is also dual enrolled in college this year. Tomorrow he goes off to his first classes. That will be tough. We have homeschooled FOREVER! I have had my kiddos with me all day every day. Big {{HUG}} for you!

  38. Mary says:

    Jennifer, you know I will be in your shoes next year and I think it will be just as tough for me. You have done a wonderful job raising him into the kind, considerate, smart young man that he is. Big hugs to you!

  39. amy says:

    oh my goodness, you are breaking my heart! Hope you are doing better-you will…
    Having 2 teenagers myself, I think you are right, I do believe that God makes them as they are for a reason. I think its all part of them spreading their wings and the letting go process for the whole family. It’s necessary to some degree as they grow in independence.
    Sounds like you have done a wonderful job with him. Not to worry, he will always need his Mama, just maybe not in the same way.
    peace to you through this period of adjustment.=)

  40. taylor says:

    I can send you mine for two years!

  41. bari says:

    Oh, girl! I am dreading that day like the plague. My oldest is now 12. Every year on her birthday I think, “Oh my goodness, I only get 6 (or however many it is that year) years with her. And then she’s going to leave me.” I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. Probably lock the younger one up and never let her go. Is that alright to do?

  42. mary says:

    I remember so well when that was ME the oldest, off to college 600 miles away, so excited, with absolutely no idea how emotional it was for my mother. My father made a comment to me about how hard it was for her and I just really could not understand with all the excitement I had inside for MY new life. I’m 48 now so it wasn’t yesterday but I think I need to call my Mom! :) Thanks for baring your heart.

  43. Gosh….I can barely type …my eyes are kinda moist and hard to see with….my oldest is a sophomore this fall in high school…and I am not looking forward to that day you are describing….He will be SOOO embarrassed to see his big daddy cry. I will have to share this with my wife so she can cry too! Thanks for sharing!…I think…

  44. gingerlouiseclothing says:

    SO SAD, JENNIFER…I GUESS WE SHOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE THESE MEMORIES..MY DAUGHTER IS ALMOST 12 AND I SEE A CHANGE, SHE JUST ASKED ME HOW DO YOU KISS AND HOLD YOUR BREATH THAT LONG!!! ALONG WITH SPECIAL BOOKS, THESE ARE THE MEMORIES LIFE IS MADE OF..

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